By ~kingdomxoblivionx

Ho-okay, so.. I was going to send this as a reply, but I thought it might be long and it might get irrelevant... fast.

Love... heh, funny topic. Whenever I say it I feel a pain in my chest. People have been asking about my sexuality lately. So have I.

Boys: Are disgusting. I say this, but I can't help but feel attracted to them. My first love [here we go again] was someone that I thought was perfect. So I tried to be perfect for him. But it wasn't enough. So I went onto the next guy. I lost my sanity and my hope for the world.

Girls: Are strange. I sometimes think that it would be easier to go out with a girl. Maybe I'd understand them better. But girls are needy, and girls are scary. It might also be the sex and making children thing that's holding me back.

Me: I'm scared that I'm holding myself up too high. I praise myself too much. I'm slowly cutting myself off from the world. I'm learning to live alone, and I hate it, but I also feel like if I try to open up again, I just get another kick to the face. I feel like no one will ever, well, be better than me... to me.

I'm feeling lonely, too. Really lonely. But I want someone that I chase after, not some fan or creepy older man who only wants to get in my pants. I want someone to be like Spring: melting away all the frost of Winter and bringing things back to life. Slowly warming up my heart with no worries of an end. Because that's what I'm scared of. I've been offered eternity. I've been offered marriage. I've been offered to be taken away where no one can judge me. I've been offered... happiness. But it was all a lie, so who says that it won't happen again? Who says that the next person I meet won't say the exact same thing and mean it, but I won't believe it for fear that I'll be dropped again?
I don't want people to compliment me and tell me how great I am, or how much I affect them. I know that I'm great, I've convinced myself so, so why not just be alone?

When I doze off against the side of my bed, my heart screams for someone who I can love in return to magically appear so that I can have a lap to sleep on and someone to play with my hair gently.
When I'm giving the world the cold shoulder, I want someone to give me a single rose, because a billion bouquets were too expensive.
When I'm pissed, I want someone to tell me "Don't worry, you're right, and we all know that." Unless I'm not right in which, I'd totally want someone to gradually change my mind.
When I'm feeling happy, I want someone to kiss my smile and tell me to enjoy my friends.

But that's just my selfishness.